Tag: #accepttruth

6th Feb. 1997 a baby girl was born in kalaniketan, who has always been pampered and nurtured with eternal love and care .this baby girl was given entire attention of the family which probably a baby boy could ever get .yes you guessed it right that’s me …
Since the day when a child takes birth the entire family got sparkled with joy and happiness .Till the extend a baby could see he/she would only be recognising smiling faces .so ,this is an occasion for celebration right ?off course and that’s why we celebrate birthdays .
And special mention to the first child as I’m the elder one too .New parents are usually very excited for this great new challenge ,new responsibilities and lots of new fun memories .
Right from his clothes ,toys ,soap, medicine ,pillows every small to smallest thing has to be taken care of, not just after the baby was born but even before than that, in fact since the day when they get the news of pregnancy .not just parents but everyone else starts discussing the baby’s name ,his /her career etc.,
Well if a coin has a head then surely there would be tail too. And my tale is about “death”.
I clearly don’t remember all of my childhood but in my blurry pictures all I remember was only a few faces .I don’t remember how did my mom reacted when she saw me for the first time .neither do i remember about how my dad took me in his arms for the first time .
My childhood memories starts with a park, a park where my grandpa use to take me, every morning and the evening for a walk, with the smell of those flowers I use to pluck .including all those fascinating stories my grandma use to tell me, with all those edibles grandpa use to offer me so that I would stop crying .and all those games I played with my mom ,with all those toys and chocolates my dad use to bring.
Till the day my baby brother was born .No I didn’t got abundant neither did they started ignoring me .but in my blurry pictures its most of me and my grandparents. The time when grandpa used to drop me to the school, when we use to play together ,when he teaches me in the evening and all those winter nights with born fire and all those fun moments I spent with them.
All those memories and all those moments always made me feel like I’m the luckiest person that I have such cool people in my life.
They have never let me feel that I’m anyways less than a guy and all those values they have poured into the mud of my soul which made me what I m today . The best gift they have ever given me was my vision of practicality and positivity .so, me and my small world starts and ends within these few people. whenever I sat onto the platform and wished to fly they have always been my shield or should I say my all time support .
They have never let me felt insecure or lonely but the only thing that has always made me restless of thinking was ,what if when one day ill woke up and there would be no one to accompany my morning walks? What if when one day I came back to home and couldn’t find them? What if when one day there would be no one to turn me towards the right path? What if when one day there would be no one to tell me all those fascinating stories that have always been my motivation to move ahead? how would I play when my aces got missing ?what if one day there would be no one to hear me out, with whom would I share my inner demons, my fears ,my excitement and all of my emotions?
Years and years passed away I grew young and they grew older ,I grew strong ,independent ,they became weak and dependent ,dependent on each other dependent on someone or should i say us ,yes we the kids…
Since the day when my grandpa got his first cardiac attack I was asked to prepare myself for that one day. Since then I was trying harder and harder to accept that after all those winning heads in the family there would a tail some day. When my bubble shield would be broken and I had to fly on my own.
Every next time when he got sick my brain got stabbed by all those scary thoughts. And probably he knew all about my fears. so, whenever I use to meet him I always saw him smiling and assuring me that he is goanna live really longer ,assuring me that whenever ill get back home ill find him sitting next to me with same old stories and a smile on his face.
On March 7, 2018 he passed away on ventilator when I was here miles away and I got this news 4 days after he was gone. Next day was my exam so I had no time left to shed tears; I had no one to share my pain with. that time I had to focus yes, I knew that was hard but no other options left for me and somehow I manged, i managed to believe that when ill get back home ill find him sitting next to my with the same smiling face as he promised me .
No I couldn’t accept the truth because my brain wasn’t ready yet, wasn’t ready to accept any information, knowledge, facts, no news, nothing.
Every time when I think about how death would be? when there would be no pain ,no emotions, no stress, no work pressure etc., when suddenly you stop feeling anything ,end of all the emotions and you will reach to some other world .something that is really memorising .well that’s actually what we wish for ,no pain ,stress less life …
So is it like all this time we were waiting for death since the day we were born? Actually yes and thus this tail worth celebrating too…
But then why people cry? Well it’s not about the pain in death it’s the pain of losing some one, the pain of defeat in the battle where you failed to save them.
The pain for which we are always scared of when we already knew that one day would surely come when all your 52 cards would get abundant .that one day your shield would be broken .
See I know all the facts and figures but I’m still not ready to accept this death sentence. Are u?